HOPE + PASSION + MONOGAMY = FOREVER ?

The holiday is almost finished and it is time for a serious talk.

True, for a single gay man, the prospect of a town full of hot gay guys seems promising. The downside is that such a scenario is not particularly conducive to having a long-term monogamous relationship. Last week, after work, I headed straight to a close friend, who has been recently "attached". I saw him because there was something that he needed to ask me. So, Melch came to the rescue!

Now, let me look at the ultimate struggle between two primal needs: companionship and hot people.

Living in Makati meant that eventually the hot people started to become furniture to me. They were so ubiquitous that they just blended into the background, like nondescript sofas in a Levitz showroom. My horniest single friends were always the most aware of the delicious man-meat around every corner. Those in successful long-term relationships hardly noticed the Baywatch-like characteristics of their officemates, or had their heads turned by that adorable supervisor, who everyone else was trying to bag.

At the time, I assumed that when I met the right guy, I too would cease to notice any other man in the world. As I bounced from relationship to relationship without that happening, I started to think maybe there was something wrong with me.

After all, having been raised on the notion of true love, I thought it would be possible for the sexier side of my personality to shut down. On the contrary, it seems that being in a relationship can sometimes have the opposite effect. Men in relationships often seem more confident than single men because they aren't trying so hard. Suddenly, hot guys are more likely to come on to them. Being in love makes you feel sexy and desirable, which can also make you seem so hot that even the hottest bag boy in town is after your ass. While it's true that some people are completely blinded by love and can only see the person they are with, the people that this doesn't happen to shouldn't feel that their relationship is less stable or solid because of it. Different people just react to relationships in different ways.

Some people make the conscious choice not to choose between monogamy and random hot strangers. If you know that you couldn't possibly give up the eye candy without it turning into a more hands-on project, you should be clear and up-front about that, both with yourself and with potential dates. There is no dishonor in having an open relationship, as long as that is the plan from the onset. Too many people delude themselves into thinking they are ready for wholesome monogamy, just like mom and dad, when in their heart of hearts, they know they can't do it forever. At the same time, they don't want to be alone, and the hottest people out there aren't always the ones who are still there in the morning. They may not even stick around long enough for you to towel yourself off. I guess it all boils down to figuring out what is more important to you.


Nearly every single gay male friend I have says that he is looking for a relationship. Usually, he can't finish that sentence without craning his neck to get a better look at the waiter's ass. As appealing as all of these hot guys are, at a certain point, you need to make a fairly conscious choice. What is more important to you? Do you want to make a commitment and stick to it? Or do you want to bounce from hottie to hottie until there is no air left in the dodge ball?

If you aren't willing to have an open relationship or live in the land of the endless three-way, you have to face up to your choice. For so many of my friends, it seems like a choice they are unwilling or unable to make. So the parade of inferior and self-sabotaging relationships begins, and it's clear from the beginning that they are doomed to failure. For some people this might seem like a midway compromise: some relationship and some hot gay action. For me, it just looks like copout. Make your choice, whatever it is, and stick with it.

Happy Maundy Thursday!

And since its Maundy Thursday, here's for a good laugh.

I really don't see the connection but what the hell.


Dear Manay Letty,


Nais kong ikuwento sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay isang gabi. Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kahit anong bahagi ng gabing iyon. Malakas ang ulan noon. Katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang ako sa loob ng aking kuwarto. Narinig ko si Itay na kumakatok sa
aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang pinto ay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming magusap. Pinapasok ko naman po siya dahil ama ko po siya. Nagulat na lamang ako nang isarado at ikinandado niya ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang braso ko. Napasigaw ako, sabi ko"ITAY huwag, anak mo ako!". Ngunit hindi tumigil ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginawa. Pumikit na lamang ako dahil sa ayaw kong makita ang mukha nang aking tatay sa kababuyan na kanyang ginagawa. Naririnig ko si Inay na binubulabog ang pinto. Sumisigaw na, "Hayop ka wag mong gawin yan sa anak mo!" Ngunit wala pa rin. Ipinaubaya ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa Diyos. Pagkalagpas ng ilang sandali ay natapos din ang aking Itay. Nang humarap ako sa salamin ay nagulat ako sa aking nakita. Magaling naman pala mag-make-up si Itay. Noong gabi na iyon ay nagladlad ng kapa si Itay. Natuwa ako at mahusay ang kanyang ginawa.
Naisip ko na ma tutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil sa ganda ko. Nagyakapan kami doon at nag-iyakan. Masaya na kami ngayon at walang problema. Lubos na gumagalang, Badong


Dear Badong,
Wala akong masabi sa liham mo kundi...PANALO!!! Para sa iyo, Badong: B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.

Nagmamahal forever,
Manay Letty

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Let me take my breath first.

Whew!

I just got back from my lunch. Downstairs, while having yosi with some friends at the back entrance of our building (PhilAm), I just saw one of the goddesses that walked the face of the earth and I worhip her . . . . .

I was just a couple of feet away from IMELDA MARCOS.

I felt my heart beat faster.

My knees, weakened.

I wanted to ran towards her and kiss her feet but due to the fear of being shot by her bodyguards, I just stood there in awe. Hyperventilating.

It is one of the most unforgettable 2 minutes of my life.

She's still beautiful in her well fixed hair. She's in a red terno, and red shoes. She really is a queen.

Some of the old foreign guys are already saying farewell to her, she just extended her hand. And they kissed it as if she's a saint.

Dang!

Right now, I am very regretful that I feared to be shot while I should've just walked and I would have been in the presence of "MADAME" in the flesh.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I think I'm going to faint.

I'm sorry for sounding so jologs but my gawd. If I have to be Imelda's yaya for the time being, I would.

Here's my tribute to Madame Imelda, IMELDIFIC , I've written this a couple of months back after watching the documentary about her.

UNHOLY TUESDAY

Yes. It is still holy week and Tuesday had passed.

The theme for HolyTuesday: Repentance. The beautiful hymn of Kassiani is sung while we the faithful turn our attention towards the woman who anointed Jesus with precious myrrh and washed His feet. It is truly time to reflect upon our sinfulness and ask for repentance.

Firstly, if I am to talk here about sinfulness, my God! I would need more than a blog to enumerate everything.

I remember this time when I was kid when we were forced by our teachers to confess our sins to a priest. One Sunday, we were obliged to go to the church in our newly pressed church clothes, which I truly loathe. Anyway, we would fall in line to that funny looking box, were the priests, uhmmmm, do whatever in the bloody world they are supposed to do inside.

Then, it was my turn, I have to kneel and speak through a screen.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. I saw a bold magazine and I enjoyed it!"

Hahahaha. Those were the days.

For all I care, sins are nothing but sins. Whether we like it or not, we commit sins and even though that we would keep on repenting over and over again, we still tend to commit these sins. I dunno but maybe perhaps it is in the nature of human beings to be sinful. But let me first be clear that I am not talking about sins here as prohibited by the church, for I really don't give a fucking damn on what they say that we should do and should not do. I'm talking about the sins that we commit to ourselves and to other people, not necessarily to their god. The sins, which we know by heart.

Maybe, perhaps we enjoy it.

We enjoy hurting other people.

We enjoy hurting ourselves.

Maybe that is just how the world works. Otherwise, there's no fucking thrill in living.

So . . . . . . for all the people that've hurt me . . . . . . . . don't worry . . . . . . . Melch knows who does not pay. I will not just smile at you and say that you are forgiven moreover I will make it to the point that I will haunt you 'till the last strand of my life, just to make you suffer and make you realize that, what you have done to me . . . . . is wrong. And even though you're already dead, if I have to revive you, I would, just to cease the life out of you again.

So . . . . . . for all the people that I've hurt . . . . . . . . . don't worry . . . . . . . . . . You can just fuck off and pray that I'll die soon.

Or maybe perhaps the sins that we know are in fact virtues. Our bloody society just twisted our minds to think otherwise. Ssssssssssssssssh! Who knows?

UNHOLY WEEK

It has begun.

This is like my most dreaded time of the year.

But for this year, I wouldn't very much be bothered since I have committed myself to work overtime all through out. From Palm Sunday to Black Saturday.

Me and my officemates started the Holy Week with a blast.


For the real holy week the theme of Monday night is vigilance, symbolized by the parable of the ten virgins, some of whom were caught unprepared for the bridegroom to arrive. The parable suggests the need always to be ready, for judgment.

For our Monday night, buckets and buckets of SanMig Light were drained last night for one of those after-shift- -even-though-tomorrow-we-still-have-work-night-outs.

And for crying out loud we are not even close to be called virgins!

When our rational minds were soaked with brain-deadening alcohol. The divas were unleashed. And I swear to Gawd! My throat is still fucking sore/

Anyway, this is what I thought about on Holy Monday:

I usually wake up at around 1 pm. I got up almost the same time yesterday,
turned on the TV to shake the cobwebs of my nightmares of being molested by my
supervisor. And for chrissake, since birth eat bulaga is doing this holy week
special and Gawd! I couldn't be any more appalled from what I have seen for the
first five minutes of my conscious life that day. I really couldn't understand why this people act. They are good in making people laugh. They should fucking let it that way.

I'm addicted to TROPICANA, this orange juice drink that tastes like TANG.

Francis is quite devastated when he heard that Hershey would be
the new QA analyst of the account. Francis is like looking forward that
management would promote somebody within the account to be the new QA analyst
but the thing is, Hershey was transferred from an already non-existent account
so the company is just being practical in utilizing idle employees. That's why.

I still haven't seen Million Dollar Baby or any movie in fact
since Phantom. Shit!

When I opened my downelink, I saw a comment on one of my blog entries there:

comment lang ako ha. i wish there was
some kind of pill to help you forget him. he wasn't, or ISN'T for that matter,
up par for you. what kept you with him is the history you shared with him and
the fact that he will never see you the way you do him. sasamahan ko na ng
advice itong comment ko, stop hoping, it'll only keep on hurting
you.

Well, Arthur mah friend! Thanks for your deep concern. (Sabi ko na nga ba, mahal mo pa rin ako eh. Peace!) I'm over him. I can say that with conviction. It's
been so long (new year pa yata 'yon) since I last talked to him. Haaaaaay. I'm
fucking over him. I just want to have my memories and my previous feelings for
him be fossilized in my writings. Yun lang.

HAPPY HOLY MONDAY TO EVERYONE!!!!!

When My VIRGINITY Flew

(Note: While writing this entry, I remember my virginity singing like Satine, "Someday, I'll fly away . . . . . Leave them all to yesterday . . . . ")

First and foremost, here's a disclaimer: (Haha! I want to be in the safe side). I'm not as promiscuous as I seem or as I will eventually seem after this entry has been finished.

Sex for me is nothing but sex. It is like a necessity. If we are thirsty, we drink water. If we are hungry, we eat food. If we feel itchy, we scratch. If we are horny, we do all sorts of stuff just to get laid.

And there's nothing more effective, for the gays of today, than going online and look for fast and effective sex.

However, if there's no luck, there's no choice but to resort to porn and jerk the horniness off.

This time, I do not want to talk about my sex life. Well, not my current sex life, at least. I want to tell the story when my virginity flew away.

Let me see, uhmmmmm, I had my first sex when I was in third year high school, I was fifteen then. I participated in a certain youth leadership conference in Iba, Zambales that time and there's some sort of a contest in public speaking on the side. Actually, that's the reason we joined the conference, just to bag the trophy for the public speaking contest. And guess what? I was the contestant for the oratorical contest.

Allan, who was my coach slash Fairy Gay Mother, told me that if I won the contest, he would give me a surprise.

Well, I was a kid then, I'm very much excited when it comes to surprises so, I won contest. Well, with or without a surprise, I'm a good orator; I would win the contest both ways.

It was evening of the third day in the school, where we were sleeping in makeshift beds and suffering from the malignant irritation of mosquito bites. Geeesh! Those mosquitoes were like having a "piyesta" by that time. They were having the times of their lives.

The contest was just concluded and suddenly I'm the star of the event.

Anyway, Allan whispered and asked if I was already asleep. I told him, with the presence of the large congregation of mosquitoes there, even I dinosaur would find it hard to sleep.

"Pwes, rumampa tayo!" coach Allan said.

Rampa for me then was an alien word, it's not part of my vocabulary yet at that time but I was very well aware of what it means.

WHY NOT?! I thought. It was better to be anywhere else aside from that place where the mosquitoes were like trying to form a republic.

Basically, we sneaked out. Of course, the guests were prohibited to go out of the venue premises, especially if its late in the evening.

Allan and I walked a couple of blocks away from the school until we reach the palengke of Iba. Then we sat in one of those stone benches under a waiting shed.

I heard somebody called Allan's name.

Well, well, obviously somebody did the negotiating behind my back.

Then, I saw a group of guys approached us. First, I felt fear. Well, not fear of being mugged by a group of guys but fear that this might be it. The one that I have been eagerly waiting in my entire gay life. Allan, whispered it to me. That that night would be the night when titans would bow down infront me and declare me as ....... a demi-god . . . . . . ess.

Allan introduced me to this guy, he's name was Ivan. He was eighteen then. He's cute, I can say it. Allan said Ivan would join me, when he and the boys would go for a walk.

Ivan smiled at me and boasted his dimples.

I was just silent.

Ivan put his arms around my shoulders and he lead me away from the palengke.

We just walked along the silent streets of Iba. It was like a ghost town especially when its 10 past midnight. Ivan said that people there were already snoring by 9pm.

We passed through a church, I realized that it was one of the uniform churches of the Mormons. Then, Ivan stopped in front of vast field with tall grasses just beside the church.

"Tara," he said while going down the slight slope.

I just followed. The hell! I never thought that I could be the next chop chop lady.

Anyway, I saw him quite far off, in the middle of the field, where there's a papag. He was just sitting there.

When I sat beside him, I was literally shaking from I don't know fear or excitement but God! I was shaking like hell that time.

Then he told me, "Relax ka lang. Aalalayan ko naman eh."

By that time, I do have a concept of homosexual sex but that was just an idea, I never thought about the practical application of it.

He took my right hand and put in on top of the crotch of his pants. Dang! It was fucking erected. It's not that that was the first time that I touched somebody else's crotch but that was the first time that I touched a crotch while expecting what it look like. Then he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants.

I saw the largest thingie I've seen in the flesh (by that time), because it's the first thingie I've seen . . . erected.

He took off his pants and briefs completely. He touched my head and kissed me in the cheek. He motioned for me to kneel in front of him. So, I did it and I felt the wet ground touched my knees. And I started doing the most-of-you-would-know-so-I-don't-need-to-elaborate-thingie.

And my virginity just flew away in the middle of the grassfield, while my back is against a cold papag, slightly wet due to the dews of the evening, looking at the dark and vast sky where the stars were shining brightly and the moon seems to be a king watching over his people, amidst the sounds of one or two tricycles roaring along the road and the sounds of crickets, which seemed to be well rehearsed while the fireflies were dancing in tune of their orchestra.

someday i'll fly away . . . . . leave them all to yesterday . . . .